Preaching on Eph 5:21-32
Our second reading is probably one of the most controversial readings in the cycle of readings. It’s the reading that either brings a cringe or an elbow in the ribs when it is read. So, I’m going to dive headfirst today into this reading! When it is understood correctly, this reading unpacks the beauty of the Sacrament of Marriage. I have witnessed countless times. either at weddings or in the general rotations of readings that the preacher completely ignores this reading or chooses the “shorter form” because the long reading is uncomfortable.
One of my good friends during his wedding, instead of doing the “traditional” wedding garter toss, knelt, had his new bride remove her shoes, and washed her feet. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her.” Look at the difference of these two practices. The first of the garter toss has lust and an unhealthy subordination written all over it — this second practice, is not something that is an over-pious thing but rather gets at the heart of the Church’s teaching on what the husbands role in marriage should be!
This reading draws out both the complementarity and the ordered relationship between husband and wife. We see this in attack in our world. Ideologies that dismiss gender as a human construct and pit men and women as enemies rather than co-workers.
Pope Francis in 2015 meeting with Puerto Rican bishops said:
“The complementarity of man and woman, the pinnacle of divine creation, is being questioned by the so-called gender ideology, in the name of a more free and just society. The differences between man and woman are not for opposition or subordination, but for communion and generation, always in the ‘image and likeness’ of God.”
From the beginning of creation, God creates male and female. It is in this beauty that we see that husband and wife become an image of God. One of the analogies used for the Trinity is that of marriage. The love between husband and a wife is so great that it begets a third person. It is in this context that St. Paul speaks to us today. This reading is not outdated, it is not irrelevant, it is the teaching of marriage that must be faithfully adhered to by all Catholics.
It’s this line “wives should be subordinate to their husbands” that gets our modern sensibilities upset. Yet remember what Jesus said to his disciples: “I no longer call you slaves, but I call you friends.” (Jn 15:15)
St. Ambrose once wrote:
“You are not her master, but her husband, she was not given to you to be your slave, but your wife! Reciprocate her attentiveness to you and be grateful to her for her love.”
There is a mutual subordination here if you will. A marriage can not be done alone. Both husband and wife are equal in dignity. They are dependent one another. As God said: “It is not good for man to be alone.”
Yet, men, I want to call you out here. Your call is to LAY DOWN YOUR LIVES for your wife, for your family as Christ laid down his life for the Church. I have seen numerous times that there are men who live this out, yet sadly this is not the norm in the church at large.
In the teaching of the Church, there are two ends of Marriage; The procreation and the education of children. Both are the duty of both husband and wife. The education of children in the faith is not grandma’s job, its not mom’s job; it is the job of the husband and wife as co-workers! Yet, too often we see this as Mom’s job alone.
There was a study done by Promise-Keepers. It found: if a father does not go to church only 15% of children are active in their adult lives. When dad attends and mom doesn’t, 55% of adult children will continue in attendance. And when BOTH attend together… 72% of children will continue their religious attendance into their adult years. (Another study was done by the Swiss government in the 1990s, however these findings being almost 30 years old are out of date.)
THIS SHOULDN’T SURPRISE US! When the theology of St. Paul is lived out, children witness and experience the love of Christ for His Church through their Dads! I am convinced that the crisis of vocations in the Church (and I’m speaking of both marriage and priesthood) is not a crisis of lack of programs or lack of good worship, it is a crisis in Christian fatherhood!
If I can point to one thing during my late high school and early college years that allowed me to flourish in my faith; it was the involvement of Christian dad’s in our youth ministry program. They’re witness showed me a lot about sacrifice and authentic faith. Their own witness of faith lived out in their marriage pointed and magnified what Christ’s love meant! — Dad’s, get involved in the religious education of your children!
I want to exhort you to allow your lives to be an imitation of Christ’s love for His Church. And the only way you can live that imitation out is if you first come to encounter that love. Spend time in prayer, study, and service. Allow Jesus to be the source of the strength in your marriage. – You were never meant to live the vows on your own strength, it was always meant to be lived with the support of grace.
